Gastblog door Altazar Rossiter
There’s a challenge that presents itself to pretty much everyone who starts to embrace their spiritual development via the intuitive healing arts. It’s the desire to heal the world and the BELIEF that it’s your job. It’s as if a way through all the suffering suddenly starts to open up … and the impulse to share it can be immense.
The impulse is particularly strong as people awaken to their potential as healers, therapists and coaches. We (and I include myself because I went through this stage) can see the pain EVERYONE is in, and how much we could help them if only they would open up. So we press them to listen when they’re not ready and can’t hear. And we try to force feed them what’s “good” for them. Many years ago one of my clients unkindly called this phenomenon the “healer psychosis”. And at some level he had a point.
We live in a culture where it’s seen as a kindness to help or heal someone, even if they haven’t asked for it. It’s simply doing good, isn’t it?
Strangely, the answer to this on a spiritual level is probably not. You may be thanked for it, but it’s just as likely that you won’t. Sending healing to where it hasn’t been asked for is energetically similar to giving advice that hasn’t been asked for. It’s laced with criticism: you’re seeing the other as needing healing or fixing rather than choosing to live his/her own life – even if they’re not conscious of making that choice.
This is tricky because being helpful is generally equated to being a good person. That feeds your ego definition of yourself. But the unseen dark side of this is that it actually undermines your self-esteem wherever you do good at the expense of giving yourself what you truly need. You’re telling yourself that you don’t care about yourself, you have no value and others are more important. It’s not uncommon for a martyr syndrome to develop out of this, defining your self-sacrifice as virtuous in the face of ignorance and rejection . You are then “right” in a world that’s all “wrong”. This will lock you into a vibration of criticism and keep you stuck.
It’s also tricky, because you’ll be aware of all kinds of damaging behaviour going on and that could feel very uncomfortable. The chances are that anything you see in others that triggers a desire to fix them is a reflection of some unresolved issue in yourself. So, fixing them actually stops you feeling your discomfort, which actually makes you a victim of your own empathy.
Of course, there’s no way you should switch off your empathy, but if it’s causing you to suffer then it’s giving you a message to heal yourself first. This is where the flight attendants’ mantra applies: “If cabin pressure drops and the oxygen masks are deployed, put yours on first!”
The key to supporting anyone else is permission. If there’s no permission, there’s no opening and you’re actually violating the person you think you’re helping. You have to ask. If the situation lends itself, ask out loud; if not, ask them internally (telepathically). You will always get an answer. Pay attention to those answers because they teach you how to listen to yourself. And here’s another little ego trap to beware of …
You must ask for permission without telling what you see or feel. If you tell someone that you see or sense something wrong and then ask for permission to intervene, energetically you’ve judged them and invited them to give their power away to you. You have to be aware that their problems offer opportunities to find their solutions through their own self-empowerment journey, which might have to be navigating a way through their pain. The exceptions to this rule are crisis situations and emergencies.
With all these pitfalls you might wonder what you can do with your supportive or healing presence, and gifts of sensitivity and empathy. Especially as these get stronger as more of your soul’s energy grounds into your body. The answer is always to be with yourself first. Continue to do your own clearing and heal yourself from your own invisible wounds.
You won’t stop being moved by the suffering of the world, but you will become more balanced and coherent with the wisdom of your heart. Your empathy will evolve into a true heartfelt compassion that doesn’t feel like you’re suffering at the same time as the people around you. You won’t be drained or exhausted by any of it. Instead of fleeing from your own unresolved gut-wrenching reaction, you’ll be able to be present with it, without judgement. You’ll be channelling universal love and you don’t need permission for that. This is the magic. Then you can go inside and with your intent project that love into any situation. Simply bring your focus to whoever or whatever you’re present with and say this internally:
“I BLESS YOU WITH LOVE IN THE FLOW OF YOUR DIVINE BRILLIANCE AND WELL-BEING, ACCORDING TO YOUR NEEDS.”
Those needs may be quite different from what you think they are, and people do not have to be suffering for you to do this.
That process of grounding your soul into your physical reality is essentially the spiritual journey. It’s simple, but not necessarily easy. All of my workshops embody this principle and its facilitation. But because it’s not easy I also provide in-depth experiential training in the process. This is the Self-Empowerment Mystery School and Facilitator Training programme that’s co-ordinated by the Bridgeman organisation in the Netherlands.